it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Randomize
