Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
high people should be assigned attendants
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whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
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I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
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