you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
Randomize
