I want you more than these girls want KFC
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Randomize
