dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
