Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
Randomize
