Define "chronic" masturbator.
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
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