Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
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