Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
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