this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
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