If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
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