I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Randomize
