Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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