i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
3pm strippers are depressing
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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