I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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