i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
