Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
