I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
