mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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