Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
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