I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
Randomize
