I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
Randomize
