guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
The Olympian is in my bed
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
