Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
Why did my mother make you get naked?
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
