Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
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