u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Randomize