I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Randomize
