Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
Randomize
