Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
Randomize
