I never noticed this but I have a beauty mark on my labia minora
Please tell me how you discovered this.
I was looking in the mirror snooping around
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
Randomize
