Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
Randomize
