I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
Randomize
