just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
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