I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
Randomize
