He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
Randomize
