I want to make a zoo with you.
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize
