you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
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