She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
