Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
I stole a fireplace last night.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize
