I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Randomize
