I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
