I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
Blow job season was short but glorious.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
Randomize
