and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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