I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
Randomize
