is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
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