Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Randomize
