my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
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