I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
Randomize
