So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
Randomize
