I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
