There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
Who did Billy Mays play for?
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
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