i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
Randomize
