yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
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