He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
did i walk over a car last night?
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
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