I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
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