This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Randomize
