I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
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