halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Randomize
