she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
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