Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Randomize
