You're a womanizer and a bitch.
Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
Randomize
