What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Randomize
