Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
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And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
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Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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